the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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