did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
