I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
