Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
