im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
