did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize