Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
