How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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