I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
