My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
They took my balls.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
