My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
