You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
