You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
