Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
