woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
