my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
