Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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