she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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