I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
