You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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