Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
