He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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