Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
please come you make the beer taste better
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
