Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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