Your face is a jimmy john
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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