I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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