i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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