watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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