I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
