Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
high people should be assigned attendants
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Enjoy the penises
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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