actually, I'm a sock model
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
