no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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