A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No more Irish car bombs ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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