It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
