We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it's great music for shaving your balls
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
