OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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