His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
