We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
