CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
