I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
