I can tuck mytits in my pants
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
