this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize