Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
