You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
