I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
