Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize