The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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