Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Vodka?
Forever.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
