then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
