textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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