she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i believe in u and ur pee
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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