'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
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