im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
