dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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