If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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