It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize