i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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