Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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