i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
