I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
