Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
