that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
