My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
