Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
