No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
