I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
