please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
