Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize