so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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