i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
