I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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