I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
