Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
my poor anus
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
