someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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