my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
