batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
