put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
not ubering you a puppy
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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