he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
