What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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