I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
