yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You're like the curious george of whores
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
