Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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