1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
