My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
