i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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