i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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