this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
